Spoiling a Newborn?

Question

My baby is 4 weeks old . My husband keeps telling me that I shouldn’t rock her to sleep because it spoils her. When I don’t she lays in her bassinet and cries. I don’t feel like I am spoiling her I am her mom and I am soothing her. Yesterday while feeding her I had my phone in one hand catching up on emails and the bottle in the other and he complained “why can’t you put your phone down and feed her”? I explained to him I am feeding her and I have emails to catch up on. He nagged and said I need to be more attentive. I am getting really sick of this stuff, he makes me feel like I am horrible mom and how I parent is terrible I don’t know what to do ? I just had a c section and I am recovering and doing the best I can do. He said he feels like I am a little careless with her just cause I don’t do things his way.

Accepted Answer

You👏cannot👏 spoil 👏a👏 newborn👏

Answer

I think your man sounds a bit unreasonable and overly critical. How can you be both inattentive and spoiling at the same time? They are opposites! Sounds like he’s just picking on you. And the latest research is clear. You cannot spoil a newborn. More closeness and attention is correlated with positive emotional health later on in life. And the cell phone thing totally isn’t an issue unless it’s constant.

Answer

Maybe I’m a little biased, but I was working by choice about a month post partum with both by sons. I certainly caught up on emails, etc when my baby was breastfeeding and I definitely did EVERYTHING I could to get my kids to sleep. I personally don’t believe you can spoil an infant. When they get older then yes I’ve found being too attentive at night can lead to issues with them not self soothing or sleeping without a parent in the room/rocking them. But as a newborn no. They’re newborns- they’ve never been in this world alone and they need comfort. 
As long as your child is safe, cared for and loved you’re doing a good job. Being a mum is hard. I’d personally have a really firm talk with my husband and discuss what he’s saying and how it’s making me feel if I was in your shoes. Then I’d hand him some baby books and child development research to read and then if he wants to talk about these ‘issues’ he can.

Answer

You cannot spoil a baby this young.  According to everything I have read, until they are 6-8months old they don’t know cause and effect and therefore cannot manipulate you.  Keep rocking your baby and holding them all you want.  I hold my baby while he sleeps all day and I don’t care what anyone says.

Answer

My favorite commercial right now is the diapers one where they say something like the way you care for your baby is perfect or the right way or something like that. You love and rock that baby. It does not last forever.

Answer

Mama you be the type of mama you want to be. Build the bond you want. There is no such thing as “spoiling” then with love. I held my baby 24/7 and rocked her to sleep and everything. She’s now two and so independent and her and I have an amazing bond. Research and even show him, children who are attended to and given the attention they need when they cry for it, later in life they are much more independent, and stable

Answer

I think I can’t spoil my two year old even yet. Giving her all what I can and teaching her about the world around, acknowledging her stress or tantrums, but with love and hugs and kisses. 
It will all return, it’s like an investment, especially with a newborn who just establishes the connection with this cold and unknown outside world. I’m always so sorry for the poor babies who cry and not heard.

Answer

Oh my lord these men! I swear they all need a day in OUR SHOES to see what we go though. You sit at home for 12 hours by yourself and take care of a newborn. Then I’ll come home and complain to you that you’re spoiling our kid and need to be more attentive. Let me contradict myself 🙄 you can not spoil a new born. Give that baby al the love you can. Cuddle her and spoon her if that’s what makes her happy right now. Newborns don’t even know what they want that’s why they cry. They don’t even know why they’re crying! I wanna tell you to tell him to shut his mouth and when he gets cut open and recovers from major surgery and caring for a baby every single moment of everyday, THEN he can put his two cents in 😒

Answer

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing... my mum who has 4 children herself and 7 granchildren has allways said you can’t spoil a new born with affection, up untill a certain age is fine, my baby is 8 weeks and if he isn’t settling I will rock him to sleep , most of the time now he will fall asleep on his own with just a hand on him so he knows I’m there, but up u till 6 weeks I would rock him or cuddle him to sleep, my mum had given the same advice to all my brothers and sisters who all have good independent children when it comes to sleeping , everything is very new and they are used to being rocked to sleep in your belly while hearing your voice , so if they need a bit of reassurance or a cuddle then why not ... they will only want it for a little while, so make the most of it , and when it comes to feeding as long as baby is getting your full attention after feeding for awake time then nothing wrong with what your doing either, i don’t think personally and I do the same ,  give yourself a break, and ignore your husband , your recovering from a c section and adjusting to life with a newborn , and if he dosent like the way you do things I’d tell him hes more than welcome to do it himself ... 
Do what you think is best your mumma at the end of the day mum knows best for baby ❤️ 
Good luck with the rest of your recovery, hope your feeling better soon x

Spoiling a Newborn?

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