Can someone help me. My butt hurts TMI

TMI look im sorry but I don’t have time to sugar coat my butthole issues. I’m seeing this guy so I’m super upset because I want to have a ton of sex but my bowels had other plans and last night I had an extremely difficult poop. Like it ripped me in half, I bled a lot like dripping blood into the toilet.

Obviously I need to heal my butt before sexy time can happen again. I need recommendations for.. whatever cream I need to fix this.

No we aren’t doing any butt stuff lmfao. But nobody feels sexy when they have a sad butthole