I thought I’d share my experience of the after-effects of my sexual abuse by my uncle from the age of 6/7 till the age of 14 where it stopped. I’m turning 20 in September.

Pretty much everything was done except sex- to simplify it.

(Also, police have been notified. Going to find out soon whether the court accepted the case with sufficient evidence or not).

1. I feel uncomfortable around older men. I prefer being around people my age or younger.

2. The constant guilt of me projecting my sexual abuse onto my brother when we were very young due to my grooming. He doesn’t remember anything.

3. Panic attacks when an older guy holds me.

4. Getting aroused thinking back to what happened to me and masturbating to it, just to feel indifferent towards my experience after and not see it as a big deal.

5. I can’t understand why my mum cried a lot about it to an extent, when I’m not as traumatised as my cousin who was also a victim. A little confusing.

I’m not sure if someone who went through this experience could relate, and I know better after my experience, but I don’t exactly hate my uncle. Is my mentality bad?