My father is not a bad guy at all, he takes care of me and my sibling every now and then but not all the time. He walked out decided he wanted to do his own thing when I was in high school but he kept in contact with us and helped us every now and then. We never see each other a lot every since then and we barely talk to each other. He always say he is busy working but he passes the city I live to get to my hometown.

I know that he visits my grandma and his siblings because my mother’s family tells me. He had a baby shower and we did not get invitied but his family was there and his gf family was there. I felt so hurt when he came our and told us everything because he did not be honest with us and kept making excuses and did not see how we felt. I have so much built up anger and I don’t want it to affect my life and relationship but it is. It hurts when he don’t call or text and I always have to be the one to do it. It hurts when he don’t say you wanna spend time together lets go. I have tried and told him how I felt but he always say he work a lot and he don’t be having time. I would’nt be comfortable going over his house considering how things played our between him and my mother. I need to deal with this pain and anger and I’m struggling with it right now. I sent a cashapp request to get his attention but to sort of take it out on him in a way. The last time he texted me was about the baby and he completely ignored what I said about me not talking to him for a while because I need to forgive him. Now he just sent me a text saying he haven’t talked me since the 26th and I didn’t say hello just asked for money.

Can’t lie I am mad and have this built anger but I need to say my peace with him. Hashing everything out will feel better even if he don’t see anything wrong with what he does. I have tried multiple times to explain how I feel towards him and I always feel like it’s a lost cause so I shut down stop talking and I realize I do this in my relationship. When I see something not getting through, I stop talking and just be like never mind. I don’t know what to do at this point and I’m stuck and I wanna get over this feeling. I hate that I’m feeling this way but I wanna do this for me, I been feeling like I wanna change my mindset and the peace around me. I wanna evolve into this woman that I wanna be, I have been doing journals and poetry and on a healing process and looking back on my life.