Sad I can’t breastfeed

My baby is currently in nicu for fluid in his lungs and I haven’t been keeping up with breast pumping bc of how sad I am and that I hate using the pump. My baby latched on right away. I had my husband try to mimic the baby and suck my breast to expel the breast milk but realized we both have herpes simplex 1 and it could get to nipple now even though we have no outbreak. Hsv1 is fatal to kids and now that I can no longer breastfeed I feel like a true failure I want my baby to be smart and have the best of everything. It’s all my fault bc I contracted this herpes when I was young from my dad.