Monthly mental breakdown

It’s that time of the month again where I get excited and hopefully only to have that excitement and hope crushed. I’ll sit there staring at the negative test wondering why. What did we do wrong this month? What didn’t we do this month? It’s like I have this mental checklist that I go through each time to recap what we did. We took our prenatals, Bd every other day, used preseed and I even took Mucinex for 4 days. My mother and everybody else will tell me to “stop thinking about it and it’ll happen.” If only I could! I know they mean well but how can I not think about that baby that I’ve been wishing to hold in my arms for years now? We’ve been to fertility clinics and cleared up our problems so we should be good. The dr even told us we should start shopping for baby stuff soon. That’s how positive he was that it would happen. Instead, now’s the time where I pray to a god that I don’t believe in. Hoping maybe somebody can hear me. My husband will see that I’ve been gone for a while and come in the bathroom to ask me if I’m ok. I’ll tell him no and I’ll cry, but really I want to scream. I want to scream and cry until I have no voice. I’m so angry and upset, but I know that won’t get me anywhere. So I’ll cry and try to hold myself together to do it all over again next month.

I know I’m not alone and a lot of other women experience this each month too, so I wanted to share this for anyone else who may need to hear it. ❤️