So. I have had abortions in the past. They hurt my heart like hell. Now that I’m married my husband and I. More like he finally convinced me to have a baby.

Background on me. I’m a child sex trafficking survivor.

I have one son who I love with all my being. He’s 8 will be 9 this year. His father was not a good person and abusive.

I never wanted more kids because I’m terrified of the world and what can happen to children. I’m terrified of me failing my kids in some way.

So 6 years later with my current husband and 2 abortions I had (which broke his heart) I am finally ok with having more kids. I’m older now. Less afraid.

I feel like if my 1st son has turned out to be the epitome of a gentleman and kind soul maybe I can make more kids and do great by them.

Anyways trying to get pregnant again has been a journey.

My period is always always annoyingly on time. This month it came a week and half late. But I was so excited.

I was already planning the nursery and picking names that week.

Then my period came.

I cried, I sobbed. I felt like all the pain of my abortions came out.

Since then I have been slipping into a depression state.

I don’t believe in punishment on a religious level. Not am I against abortions on a moral level.

But some stupid little voice in my head is saying that some how I deserve not being able to get pregnant.

I didn’t get a lot of support after my abortions. A lot of people say we don’t have the right to grieve. So maybe it’s that bubbling up in me.

I just wanted 2 more kind hearts in the world