Alright.. I don't know where to start. I know a lot of you are probably going to say it's toxic on both ends, and to end the relationship: that's not what I need to hear. So, I guess I'll start from the beginning.

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December 2019, I met up with this guy I was in high school with. At the time, we were both eighteen. We were both dumb and silly, decided we would hookup after smoking a few bowls together. I told him not to catch feelings because at the time, I was in a complicated FWB situation. It was weird, I felt a connection with him after we hooked up.

By early January, I told him about the feelings I stared to have, and he told me he felt the same. I called off the FWB deal that I had going on with person and I had gotten with the guy from highschool.

Mid January, he called for a break. Said things were going too fast and I respected that. Things were fine then he called shit off entirely. I hooked up with several people after that, then he begged me to come back in early Febuary. I did. (I know during the time, he was talking to another girl, even ignored me after a wreck that traumatized me..)

By mid February, things were amazing. I moved in with him because things were going really downhill in my past living situation. Everything was good between me and him until he went through my phone and got pissed about the hookups I had when we weren't together. I told him that it was while we were apart, and that I didn't have to stay loyal considering he called it off entirely. He was pissed and insisted I cheated.

In May, I found out I was pregnant with his baby. I was excited, and so was he.. but over time, he kept bringing up the past and making me feel like trash for sleeping with people while we weren't together. Every day, I'd apologize to him for the past, tell him I love him and that I won't do anything to hurt him. It still hasn't stopped to this day.

Back in August, around his nineteenth birthday, he started being REALLY distant towards me, so I checked his phone.. he was on reddit, kik, discord (ect.) In groups, posting pictures of his dick, him in my panties, basically any provocative photo he could take of himself. I was horrified, I told him that it isn't acceptable and he reminded me of January. I cried a lot, and tried to get over it. I even convinced myself that maybe he was just feeling down about himself and needed outside validation because I wasnt good enough. This continued too.

This year, in January, I had our son. We were fine and dandy until my birthday. The night of my birthday (5 days after I had our son) I checked his phone (which at this point, was my phone I bought and let him use periodically because he broke his out of rage) and he had chat sites open. Even had another woman's nudes saved to it. We were at his great aunts house (in which we resided) and we were in her room. I bawled my eyes out, she told me I deserved it for everything I put him through, plus it wasn't a big deal.. it was just pictures. He denies using them for pleasure, rather to troll and said they were nudes from the Internet. Whatever.

We got into a fight a week ago because we were joking with each other over the grossest thing we had done and he continuously brought up my body count and shamed me for giving people oral and whatnot. I didn't give him a response, so it escalated into him calling me names, screaming at me, ect. I left with our son, and he has since apologized.

His cousin died, about a month into my relationship with him. She raised him from birth and was a mother to him. He changed a lot within that month, not just to me but everyone in his life. How do I help him? He wasn't this person before her death. He's been so angry and I think he's given up on love because every parental figure he has had, abandoned or died on him. Should I help him seek counseling? I want to see him happy again. Like he was before her death, like he was in high school. I don't want him to be this hateful person. He doesn't see how his actions and words hurt anyone he loves until after the fact. I want my best friend back and his family wants the old him back too.

Do you think its my fault he is the way he is? Please don't tell me to leave his life. I want to see him thrive and grow.