Wedding planning 🙄

Now, a bit of backstory... my partner was in an abusive relationship (yes he’s a man) and his kids have learned to treat him the way their mother does. They don’t try to keep in touch, they don’t always respond when my partner tries, he gets grief if he does something they think is wrong, and to be honest he is frightened of how they’ll react to things. They bring zero joy to his life and they don’t accept me in any way and have made it very clear they don’t want to see me.

So planning our wedding, kids are involved as bridesmaid & groomsman (they’re aged 21 and 18) but with Covid we have made plans what to do in case of restricted numbers. Long story short, 30 guests or less and there’s no bridesmaid or groomsmen at all but they’re still invited. 15 guests or less and we only have our parents, one of my sisters, and two of my close family friends. These people were picked because they have all contributed a significant amount of money to our wedding. We would organise a big reception for next year and invite everyone to that who couldn’t come to the wedding.

So my partner is explaining to the oldest daughter the plan and she is instantly defensive! Kept saying, so we’re not allowed then?! Resorting to one word answers to any questions. And my partner caves, now they’re all invited to the 15 or less wedding. I’m annoyed because it’s not fair! My niece and other sister have had a lot to do with planning, his cousin has a lot to do with us in general and they can’t come! I know it seems petty but the kids have shown no interest in the wedding at all, I honestly thought they would be looking to get out of it. I’m also annoyed because the daughter booked her wedding and told my partner three days before, oh by the way I’m getting married in three days and only her mother and her partners parents were invited, but we’re not allowed to do that?!

There’s nothing I can do now, the kids have been promised so they have to come. But was it unreasonable to not have them at the 15 or less wedding but invite them to the reception when we had one.