I am realizing ALOT of stuff that just.. sends Rage up my spine.

Okay so some back story. For 2 years before I got help, my mental health was absolute SHIT. I did not want to be here, I felt like..just the worst feelings constantly.

I finally got help for that. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and OCD.

I was having panic attacks nearly everyday of my fucking life.

I was in a 7 year long commitment relationship. Remember that one.

Time goes on and for some reason, I am just feeling like shit. All the time. I would randomly get nauseas, break out in a cold sweat and fever but my doctor was like “???” And I didn’t think about going to a gyno, I had just went a year ago it never even crossed my mind. The fever and chills and nausea would come and go.

My ex would tell me “it’s probably all those fucking pills you put in your body. “Your doctor is a legal fucking drug dealer and you feel like shit because you’re a drug addict.” (YeH I hope he sits on anal first on a cactus. He always told me my failing mental health was due my lack of self control, as if brain chemistry doesn’t exist.

One day I start getting this pain in my vagina. Okay, imagine. Someone stabbed you in the vagina through both of the walls like side ways. The pain was unbearable, it wasn’t itching or burning and I legitimately thought it was my IUD ripping through my insides so I called my gynecologist and she says “no honey that sounds like an STI”

So. I go to my so, I sit down. And I said “I want you to be honest with me, as your partner. Is there any reason that I should be worried about an STI” And he laughed in my face. Then accused me of cheating.

So I dropped it. I believed him honestly. Guys the longer I’m away from him the more I realized how warped my reality was, how miserable I was with him, thinking about how I was in this fog of stupidity because of this man, that’s what hurts the most. The point is.. I am realizing SO MUCH SHIT and just how “in the dark” I was

Months later, I find out he cheated and gave me chlamydia. I had no symptoms other than that one moment of severe pain months before and just the havoc the infection was wreaking on me making me feel awful.

Then as the antibiotics kicked in, allllll that infection left my body. I am officially chlamydia free... and guess what. I don’t feel like god awful shit anymore... for MONTHS he let me suffer knowing I could have had an STI and chose to lie and then tell me my reason for feeling like shit was because I was “a legal drug addict.” On my Zoloft and Wellbutrin 🤨

I was literally in-love with a monster and I feel like a fucking idiot.

And he’s a grown ass man. He knew he was putting me at risk when he screwed someone else with no protection and then came home and screwed me. This “man” will never see my face again.

This is all just so fucked I can’t help but laugh at it. I’m just glad my health is back in order.