Married but live in separate homes?

Question

Anyone heard of a married couple living in separate homes, but are happily married? 
I know it’s a bit of a stretch, and this will probably sound silly....but hear me out on why. 
My husband is a good man, but EXTREMELY MESSY. I’m exhausted from constantly cleaning the house because my husband and autistic daughter make such a mess. Between cooking, cleaning, therapies, and work I just can’t keep up. I have to tell my husband every single damn day to clean up some sort of mess he’s made. The thing is he works from home from 3-12pm. I’m a teacher and my daughter is at school 4 days a week. He’s home all damn day doing nothing. I have been under so much stress because teaching during a pandemic is fucking horrible. As soon as I come home I’m just done, but I have a daughter to care for and a husband who makes such a mess. I’m at my breaking point. I spent the first half of my Saturday just laying down because I’m so exhausted from the week. Then of course I spent the other half cleaning. I’ve spoken to him many times about cleaning. 
My husband is a good man. Great dad. He works in IT so his job can be stressful, but again, he’s working from home. I offered to pay a housekeeper and he immediately said no. 
I don’t want to leave him, but I just need to not pick up after him, or remind him to pick up his mess. Honestly, our daughter is 4 and she will clean up before he will. 
I know living separately wouldn’t be good for our child, but I can’t take the mess anymore. 
Suggestions??

Answer

Hire a housekeeper anyway after making clear you have too much stress on you if he's not going to clean up after himself. 
I get we all like to rest & have different ideas of what "clean" even is, but it's unfair for you to work & clean up after a capable adult...

Answer

I’d get a housekeeper...cheaper than two houses, keeps y’all together, and makes it work!

Answer

If possible maybe look into hiring a cleaning service a few days a week? If not then communicate with him that he’s causing resentment to be developed and you’re considering wanting to live apart if he can’t start changing his ways

Answer

Sure IT is stressful. I'm in IT and been working 12-14 hour days the last year because I support supply chain and you know that's been constant change with what's going on.   But it's no excuse.  Everyone's situation is stressful and we all have to figure out a way to carry on, and maintain our homes, our kids, some sense of semblance, etc.  Yes I know people who are married and live separately successfully but not with a young special needs child.  If it were me I'd be having a sit down with him laying it all out and there's 2 options.  He either starts helping with the load and you have a cleaner that still comes once a week or he continues to do nothing amd the cleaner comes 3 times a week.  Either way a cleaner is coming.  There are many times you have to pick your battles and this would be one for me.

Answer

I think if you present the housekeeper as a last resort, maybe he would see it differently.  My parents basically live separately (they have a second vacation home) and it’s really the only reason they’re still together. But they have kids in their 30s, not a 4 year old. I think it would be rough for you with a young daughter.
But I feel you...my husband is horrible with his laundry and dishes and it’s slowly driving me insane.

Answer

I know two couples that lived separately. They were married until death parted them. When they got much older and needed support from their spouse, they moved back in together.

Married but live in separate homes?

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