Sexist Grandpa

A little venting and a little curiosity on how y’all have handled this when you’ve experienced it with family. My daughter is 3 months old and I am losing my mind with my father-in-law. It takes every fiber of my being not to smack him upside the head every time he opens his mouth. When we found out we were having a girl, he was like, “Oh, boys are better. So much easier.” And, “What am I going to do with a grandDAUGHTER? I guess she’s for Grandma to have fun with.”Since she was born he’s been really dismissive of her. I felt like I had to force him to hold her the first time. He wouldn’t even hold her the first time he met her. He keeps sending me pictures of easy bake ovens, pink vacuum cleaners, dolls, and “girl stuff”. He collects hot wheels and always buys two so he share his collection with his grandkids. Apparently that meant a grandson, because he keeps mentioning it and all the legos he has that will “go to waste.” He has always had issues with me—mostly coming down to not understanding why I am what I am as a person. I am a strong, independent woman, and a successful corporate lawyer. I am not the homemaker between my husband and I, and my father-in-law resents that. My lack of homemaker-ness doesn’t bother my husband at all—he is totally one. He knew it wasn’t a strength for me when we got together. We adore each other and work really well together. I recognize that there are generational differences and I try to keep the peace when it comes to my relationship with my father-in-law, but my blood boils when it is directed at my daughter. At what point do I say something to him and what do I say? Is it worth it, or do I just make sure Phoebe knows she’s better than that? My mom and step-dad, dad and step-mom, are all successful and smart people that already show they won’t be like that, so is it worth greater damage to a relationship for me to talk to him about it? We all have that weird relative. So, do I just let him be that weird guy? I don’t even know if he realizes that he’s doing it or if he just think is that’s the way it should be. His sons are both incredibly wonderful men and embarrassed by their dad’s weirdness (thanks mother-in-law!). I just don’t get it. I dread spending any time with them and feel kind of guilty about it. I am not subtle, and definitely not diplomatic at this level of irritation. But, if I don’t say anything and he doesn’t realize he’s doing it, isn’t that unfair, too?