Hi there ladies:)

I have this thing that keeps happening to me every week or so, usually about two times a week. A little background story, I have this friend and he and I are close I’d like to say.

We met while I was going through a rough patch in my life. He got me out of that bubble and he helped me feel okay for the first time in over a year or so. He and I got really close, we got to the point that we were almost going to date but he moved to another state for a year, (it’s been 8 months since he left) to heal from something hard that he went through. He needed a break to try and get better after losing someone extremely close to him, which I fully support him of doing so because he’s doing a lot better now. He was the first person I went out with after my first boyfriend (which unfortunately passed late last year) and I was always one to be afraid to be with someone else because of how I was hurt from the past. But he helped me with that. In a way that I will forever be thankful to him for. I hadn’t felt this level of comfort with someone in such a long time, that it made me feel confused as to what I was feeling and why. So when he left, it hurt me a little. It was a shock to me that he was gonna be gone, that I wasn’t going to see him or hug him everyday now. I talk to him everyday still but i still feel that void of not having him physically here with me, feeling him in my arms and such.

On the days that I feel sad, it’s usually late at night that I get these waves of sadness of how much I miss him, having him here, stopping by to give me goodnight hugs before he goes home after leaving work or hanging out with friends. It hits me so deep sometimes, especially on some of my bad days that I feel like I need him the most. Just a tight hug and a whisper in my ear telling me that it’s going to be alright and that tomorrow will be a better day. Usually when I feel sad on some days, it’s just a bummy day but every night I think of him and it just overwhelms me and it makes me want to cry. It’s crazy to me how close I got to him so quickly and to feel this way about him. He plans on moving back this year but it feels so long until he comes back that it break my heart. It leads to me having irrational thoughts and throws me into caves of depression that I feel are inescapable as to what if he comes back and the feelings he had are completely gone? What if he found someone else? What if he just doesn’t come back after all? What if he just wants to end things completely and for good? It’s just so much that it leaves me in tears to thing about at night.

Just wondering on thoughts about this:)