3 years ago when my niece was born, my husband and I decided it was time for me to go off the pill and we would see what happens. Here we are, 3 years later with no baby and never a positive pregnancy test. Before COVID we went to the doctor and we were informed that my husbands sperm count is low and they don’t have ideal mobility. We haven’t been back to the doctor yet since COVID and other reasons. We are still trying every month with no success. I have been very private about my journey with my family and friends but recently opened up to my sister in law because she is struggling with secondary infertility. This past weekend knowing I’m struggling, she told me privately that she is pregnant, and they are going to announce it this weekend. She wanted to tell me because of my struggle so I wasn’t caught off guard. I’m so thrilled for her and to get to become an aunt again. But I’m also struggling. I’m so happy for her but struggling mentally and feeling sorry for myself. I don’t want to be jealous, but sometimes I feel it comes over me. I have found myself backing away from her a little because when she told me she started to talk about how she is due in December and how she didn’t want to be due then, when in my mind I’m just thinking that I want to pregnant, due any time, I don’t care, I just want it. I know that she is not coming from a place of hurt, I think she just doesn’t understand how hard this news is for me. Honestly I’m just ready for Mother’s Day to be over so her pregnancy is announced, but I know there will be questions of when we are going to have kids directed at me after the announcement. And I once again will have to put a smile on my face and say I’m totally happy just being an aunt right now.