Would it be wrong to ask my husband these questions 4 years AFTER an affair?

My husband and I are currently 22 years old.

Back in highschool, at age 15, he decided to cheat on me. He didn’t have sex with the girl, but it was his ex girlfriend. They skipped school one day, and she gave him head. I happened to be out of state when it happened, and he called me the same day to tell me about “the biggest mistake of his life.” He told me he called and told me so I didn’t hear it from someone else. Well sure as hell after he told me, I heard about it from literally everyone else.

Well at 15 years old, I didn’t know how to handle it so after a week we got right back together. We just agreed to never speak to her again.

Fast forward a few years, we are now adults. My husbands best friend/cousin who is only one year older than us shows up to a family party with my husbands ex by his side. Not only was that a shocker, but also they announced they were expecting.

I can’t help but still hate her.. I feel nothing but angry and jealousy and everything negative and toxic. I couldn’t breathe the entire time we were there, I was shaking, I even almost passed out with the amount of anxiety I was feeling. I’ve tried talking to my husband about it, but he says I’m being immature and can’t believe after 4-5 years I’m still so caught up on it. But when I tell you I have recurring dreams weekly about her and him choosing her over me... I’m not joking.

I want to just straight up ask him..

1. Are there any lingering feelings for her that I should know about?

2. Do you find her attractive

Would it be wrong to ask that? I just wanna know cause well.. he cheated on me with her and now she’s all the sudden in our lives. I mean she is pregnant with my husbands cousin. Its not like she is going anywhere. I just can’t understand why I’m so caught up on her.. why she gives me so much anxiety.. and I wonder if it’s cause deep down I wonder how my husband still feels about her.

But when I talk to him about it, he gets angry and says it was a mistake he made years ago and I shouldn’t of married him if I couldn’t get over it. And that I’m being immature for having anxiety around her. Idk what to do. Idk if having the answers to those questions will help or make things worse..

What would you ladies do?