I’ve been hurt by a lot of people in my life. my own family at that. my grandma used to abuse me & i was depressed for so long i broke down in 2019 she told my mom she wish i would’ve killed myself so she could collect insurance money. my mom abandoned me when i was a baby & whenever she would come around she was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to me i hated her for years & kind of still do. my dad has always treated me like the throw away kid ever since i was little he used to make me sit in a room with him alone in the dark while everybody else was outside playing, he’s told me i wasn’t his child and would attack me. his mom always took up for him never stood up for me. now that i’m an adult they want to take credit for the adult that i am but not knowing how deeply all of this has affected me. i’m having my first child in 3 months and i’m constantly having panic attacks and i’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. everyone wants me to just forget about the past and move on but it’s hard because i can’t get over something that’s constantly happening to me everytime i let them in. I’ve became distant from my siblings and majority of my family because they all just say that i’m crazy because of how i respond to them every time someone tells me something about how i should be living i go off and i go from 0-prison fast because i just feel like no one protected me and now that im an adult they want to give me advice. they failed to protect me. and im afraid that i’ll be like that to my own child. my siblings tell me that depression is just a mind thing. The only person i feel secure around is my boyfriend. he doesn’t always know what to do or say but he protects me. when i’m waking up screaming in the middle of the night he’s there. and when he leave me at home alone i get paranoid and afraid that some one is going to hurt me. i don’t even like being around his family by myself. it’s gotten to the point where i don’t want anyone around me, i don’t trust people, i don’t want to let anyone into my life because i have to protect the family that we’ve created. i have to protect my daughter by any cost. i’ve told my boyfriend that i want to move away after she gets here. he’s concerned about us moving away with a new born & he doesn’t want to leave his family . idk what to do , idk how to just let go of the past. 🤦🏿‍♀️