This post is mostly to vent and make sense of a traumatic event.

I work as a nurse in an emergency room. A few days ago I was on shift and a mental health patient bolted out of his room and was running down the hallway.

I was nearby so I went to see what was happening and if I could help.

He threw himself to the ground and I leaned close to help him up and he kicked me directly in my stomach with full force.

I look visibly pregnant. It's pretty obvious at this point.

This was my patient. Not just a patient I happened by.

He has a history of violence and of harming people and animals and, because this was morning shift change, I had not yet been able to get the full scoop. Only that he was waiting for an evaluation and possibly placement in a facility. I had not been made aware of the fact that he had needed to be medicated the night prior for violent behavior.

I had stopped into his room just prior to this to see if he wanted breakfast before checking on my other patients and had a pretty normal exchange with this person. He was calm and everything seemed fine.

Baby and I, thankfully, are ok. I was crampy and sore for a few days, but otherwise good.

I feel very fortunate for that.

This isn't the first time I've been pregnant and worked in an ER. This is definitely not the first time I've been assaulted on the job, either. I realize what my job entails and what the expectations are. I'm just hurt and frustrated by it all. So much of this was preventable.

For the first time in my career, the thought of going back to work is causing me intense anxiety.

I feel so vulnerable and, admittedly, very scared. I can't help but think what could've happened. I can't help but wonder what could've been done differently. It's all just so overwhelming.

Thanks for reading.