Pregnancy

I am 29 and pregnant with my 5th baby I already have a 10 7 5 and 2 and I’m 6 weeks pregnant my husband and I are currently thinking about getting a divorce he likes to fight me a lot and I’m pretty much over it I have been think about suicide alot lately it I snap out of it when my 2 yr old just give me a hug for no reason as if she knows what I’m thinking I’m to embarrass to tell my doctor the feeling of being judged just want so kind of advice with out being judged I love my kids to death but sometimes I feel they will be better off without me