Advice please

So ive been with my husband for 12 year. 6 years ago we had our first baby and things were rough. 5 years ago i was told by someone he worked with he had something going on with a coworker. I did catch them texting and he came home late from work a few times so i was pretty sure what i was told was true. He swore that it wasnt and made me feel awful for tearing our family apart based on something someone told me. So i never forgot about it obviously but i stayed with him. 5 years and another kid later ive been asking him about it because it still bothers me and he finally admits to having an emotional affair and confiding in the girl about how bad he wanted to leave me back then and did admit to going to her house after work but swears nothing more then hugs happened in their little affair. They no longer work together or talk and he goes to church now and swears he is a changed man. We he has been great for the last 5 years but i cant get over it and i want to get a divorce. Hes saying im being selfish by not working through it together for the kids.....does anyone have any advice or input??? Am i really being selfish ? I was at home with his new baby while he was out doing whatever talking about how bad he wanted to leave me. He thinks i should be over it since its been 5 years and says most women are strong would work with their man to fix things for the kids but there are women like me who crumble.