Maybe for the past week. I lost 5 pounds thus far. Idk what brought it on but I feel fat and very depressed about the things going on in my life. (Mom’s very sick and is in a nursing home. she was physically, sexually and emotionally abusive so my feelings are very confusing. But when I last saw her I told her I miss her and she couldn’t communicate back but her eyes welled up with tears. my siblings are estranged and really hateful (they said I was lying about being molested by her and that Im a pos who was just trying to get her in trouble, and that I was crazy and cut off contact with me). both of my siblings, by the way, sexually abused me themselves but yet they don’t believe she did.

I lost my father, my college classes are stressful, of course, but everything else just adds on, my “boyfriend” of 2 years still wants his ex and has been going out on dates and stuff with her behind my back so I already know we’re not going to work out). then there’s my weight.

I get anxious when I see something over 100 cal. Every now and then if I’m out with someone I’ll eat something, like a meal from Checkers or somewhere, and immediately feel terrible. I’ll eat it just so whoever bought it for me doesn’t notice Im anxious. If I buy something for myself it’s just so I won’t look weird for not eating anything. Then I’ll barely eat for days. It’s like I can’t eat because I’ll get anxious. I am hungry right now but I feel too anxious looking at the calories on the side of the box. So as usual I just set it back down until I don’t feel hungry anymore or get some water.

I am slightly to moderately overweight. My family has commented on my recent weight gain. Old friends did too. The same people who were calling me too skinny when I (healthily) lost weight three years ago. This time doesn’t feel healthy though. Like I didn’t have a problem eating when I previously lost weight. Now I feel scared to eat. I wasn’t even overweight back then though. But my mom called me fat until I was “too skinny”. I really hope I’m not getting an eating disorder or that I already have one. I haven’t felt like this before about food