Hitting, How do I approach this problem?

Question

My two year old son is quiet the handful as most toddlers are, but yesterday when he was playing around and screaming, and you know how toddlers are when playing, they sometimes fight.. well my friends three year old daughter was pushed by my son and the 10 year old brother intervened and slapped my son on the back, and pushed him away.. kind of made me a little upset but I didn’t say or do anything except asked my son if he was being nice and to say sorry, then we left.. but I need to talk to the mom to make sure it doesn’t happen again if they want to play date again.. she wasn’t there when it happened, she was cooking.. so I didn’t tell her what happened.. is it offensive to supervise my son when we go there and to not leave him alone with the older kid anymore? Or just stay away til she talks to him?

Answer

I think it’s hard to not want to go mama bear in a situation where another kid “punishes” your kids. Especially with an age gap that big. I always tell my son (7yrs) to protect his brother (3 with autism) when I’m not around for whatever reason. I don’t agree with how the boy did it but not ever parent parents the way you want them to. Honestly, it’s probably the way the mom parents and where he learned it. Model by example so he can pick up on those skills. But I wouldn’t talk to him about it now. It’s done and over with. I think you should probably just let it go and next time, helicopter your son (if you know he’s a hitter anyway) for both kids sake. The daughter won’t be pushed, you can choose how to react to your son and the boy won’t feel the need to intervene. I was never a helicopter parent with my oldest but I had to do that with my youngest because of his autism, he just shoves kids out of the way and can hurt them. If you don’t want to do that, then don’t go on playdates with them anymore. It’s really not fair to the little girl for her to be subjected to being hit or pushed whenever you come over to play. I’m not saying your sons a bully by any means, it’s just a part of the age he’s at and as parents we have to do what we have to do to keep everyone safe during those stages. It doesn’t last forever 😉❤️ good luck mama!

Answer

Maybe approach it by apologizing that your son hit her daughter, and that it's sweet that her 10 year old was sticking up for his little sister. It shows what a bond they have and he's a great big brother! But unfortunately your son is is hitting from time to time as toddlers do, and you don't want big brother to feel like he has to intervene and possibly hurt your son by accident. Ask her what she thinks the solution is, eg can she talk to him about doing something else instead if he sees it happening eg he can say "no hitting" and come get you if things are escalating, or if she thinks the play dates should be more supervised until the stage passes so you can be the one to intervene vs the big brother feeling like he needs to.

Answer

You should have addressed the situation right there and then id be more mad if my friend came at me a few days later saying my kid hit their kid rather than just handling it all at once. There kids you cant say a week later hey kid remember last week when u smacked a kid? That doesnt really work. 
Personally it doesnt sound like her ten year old is a bad kid he was just protecting his sister but didnt go about it well. I dont think it would happen again unless ur kid is a hitter but there toddlers and a ten year old they should have a parent present ehen there playing anyways so just keep an eye on it

Hitting, How do I approach this problem?

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