Mom guilt

I spent a good hour crying because I am mentally and physically feeling so miserable. My son was born on Monday and is still in the nicu working on overcoming respiratory issues (he was born 35 weeks). I started pumping right away because I wanted to be able to send him milk in the nicu. I bf my daughter for two years and had a very heavy supply. Since I started pumping my milk has just gone through the roof. But without having my son here my body is really struggling to let down milk. So it takes me forever to empty my boobs and they are just so sore and in pain. It’s such a struggle to get the milk to come out 🥺 my supply is so heavy it’s so hard to keep up with and I am constantly engorged. I am 5 days postpartum and I’m already pumping around 40oz per 24 hour period. It’s making me want to just quit and gain my sanity back. But I feel so guilty because I want to provide him the best nourishment possible and I bf my daughter for two years so I feel guilty if I can’t at least make it a year for him. I’m just so miserable. I miss my son and I did not want to be pumping constantly. I wanted to be able to breastfeed my son from birth. I’m having such a hard time 😢 I still don’t know when my son will be able to come home. I just imagine not having to pump or deal with engorgement and I feel so happy but guilty at the same time 🥺 he deserves the best.