Marriage and children

When I found out I was pregnant last year, I knew my husband wasn’t going to be the most thrilled. We had plans of waiting 5 years to start having babies. I was on birth control and I still ended up pregnant. He was very adamant that he didn’t want kids now. I am all for pro choice, but for myself, I cannot bring myself to have an abortion. I could never imagine myself doing such. And when he asked me if I would consider having one, I put my foot down immediately. He didn’t ask again and we went on with our lives. He seemed to warm up to the idea of having a baby. He told his buddies and command at work. His buddies showered us with gifts for the baby. We got his nursery all set up. We bought clothes and toys for him. We did everything a happy set of soon to be parents would do.

My husband was unfortunately deployed for the birth (and will be until the fall). Whenever we email when he’s out at sea, he’s loving and caring and the man I fell in love with. But when he ports, and they go on the pier and drink, he just shuts down. It’s like he doesn’t want to talk to me. He’d rather be out drinking. This port he was just in was super expensive to buy drinks. So he stayed in for majority of it talking to me. He kept making snarky comments, even brought up me being a SAHM, when we just agreed that I would do so until my masters was finished (2 years). And now all of a sudden he says he wants me to get a job and put the baby in daycare. And then makes the comment “well, this was the whole reason why I didn’t want to have kids now.” My stomach fucking dropped. Instantly felt sick to my stomach. I fucking knew that was going to come out at some point.

I’m just so heartbroken and torn. Like most days he’s so excited to meet our son and excited to start our lives together when he comes home but then says this?? It literally makes no sense. I just don’t know if I’m reading too much into it because he’s stressed with where he’s going next or if he truly means it and regrets having our baby. I just don’t know anymore.