Lonely

I've been single for way too long now. My last relationship was an abusive one back in 2018. I have slept with, had situationships and talked to so many fucking guys since then I've lost count. At first I was talking to two guys and they both showed me their true colors and they were dealbreakers. Then I decided to try having casual sex because I wanted to see if sex was actually an enjoyable activity because my ex had sexually abused me and i just wanted a healthy sexual experience. Unfortunately i couldnt find that and went down a hypersexual rabbit hole that was not fulfilling and all it did was confirm all the things my ex said that made me believe i was worthless. I havent made many friends in years either. I just cant connect with people the same. I just feel like a fucking hole and the only time i feel like im worth something is when im in the act of having said hole filled whether im actually enjoying it or not. I just wish i felt human again and could connect with others and that it wasnt so hard to find patient people and someone i could just click with platonically or otherwise.