Question for step parents

At what point DoD you realize you're no longer their step parent. You're their real parent (other parent not involved) and if you adopted, how did you ask. I want to ask my 17 year old step son if I can adopt him. It will probably have to wait until AFTER the new baby is born but I want to ask.

Edit: Mom told him on July 4th she doesn't want to be his mom anymore and wants to sign her rights away. Even then if she changes her mind when he turns 18 I can do an adult adoption.