Orgasm or no?

Question

I’m pretty sure I have never orgasmed. I’ll just start with that. I’ve heard plenty of times before, if you’re unsure then you didn’t. I’ve never been into masturbation because it never really felt good to me, but I do enjoy sex. I finally broke down and bought a bullet vibrator because my fiancé has been dying to try one out. We are long distance, so at this point I’ve only masturbated with it myself. Anyways, the couple of times I have, I’ve gotten to a point where I release a bunch of fluid, like major gush, sitting in a puddle (sorry if that’s TMI), but I have never felt this euphoria that people talk about coke with orgasms, and I thought women can’t “cum” without having an orgasm. So did I have one and I just don’t react to it the same? Because I fee hopeless at this point.
PS it wasn’t pee, I made sure to go before.

Answer

PART 1
A quick anatomy lesson (just incase):

Your vagina (the hole inside your body) is mainly for reproduction. It is a birth canal, an outlet for menstrual flow and discharge. It is also a receptacle for a penis, providing stimulation for the penis to make it ejaculate, and it then provides a safe place for a male partner to deposit his sperm to make you pregnant.

In order for the vagina to do this, it is mostly numb and devoid of nerve endings. If it was very sensitive, it would cause trauma and unbearable pain and discomfort during childbirth, menstruation, infections, and penetration. 

The one vaginal area that is normally more sensitive is in and around the vaginal entrance. This does not mean that there are no other sensitive spots deeper inside your vagina. Most women have other sensitive spots, but you have to discover them for yourself. You may need something as pointed as a finger or a toy with a small head to activate it. As you get older, your vaginal tissue becomes less fluffy and thins out, and this can make it easier to find these sensitive spots later in life.

Your clitoris on the other hand has only one job – providing pleasure leading to orgasms. To do that, it is richly endowed with nerve endings that feed sensations into your brain. The clitoris is the most sensitive organ anywhere on a human body (it has twice the number of nerve endings of a penis). The tissue that formed your clitoris while you were in your mother’s womb, is the same tissue that formed the penis in a male baby. The difference is that most of your clitoris is inside your body, and your clitoris has only the one job – pleasure. A penis is mostly outside his body, and it has may jobs – peeing, ejaculation, pre-ejaculation, and penetration.

Your clitoris goes deep inside your body. That little tip (glans) that you can see and feel is literally just the tip. The clitoris glans is about the size of a pink/white eraser found at the back of a pencil, and it is most often hidden and covered by a hood when you are not aroused. The internal part goes about 15cm (6 inches) into your body, forming two wishbone structures, the legs (crura) and the bulbs. The bulbs run backwards, just under your lips, to your vaginal opening. When you are fully aroused, the swelling of the bulbs gives your vulva a swollen and slightly gaping appearance. The other wishbone structure runs upwards along the inside edge of your pelvic bone. These thin internal legs are what we now think is what people in the past thought was the g-spot. There is no physical structure, or increased nerve endings where the so called g-spot is supposed to be, but these internal structures of the very sensitive clitoris is in that area.

The body, legs, and bulbs of the clitoris are all made up of erectile tissue. They all join together just below the glans. The body of the clitoris is generally 1 -2 cm wide and 2 – 4 cm long.

The legs extend laterally from the body of the clitoris along the inside edge of the pubic bone, and are on average around 5 – 9 cm long. The bulbs of the clitoris are generally 3 – 7 cm long and lie between the body, legs and the urethra, just under the lips.
It can take up to 20 or 30 minutes of stimulation to fully engorge and activate your whole clitoris, internal and external, so that you can get the sensations from every part of your clitoris.


Self-love:

You know now that you mainly orgasm by stimulating your clitoris. The way you orgasm from your clitoris can be very specific. You can rub it through the hood, through your panties, or right or left side of it, you can stimulate next to it, above it, left, right, bottom, top, squeeze, press, or tap it. You can rub over it, around it, or even on it. You can go slow or fast, hard or light, you can use a fingertip, multiple fingers or the palm of your hand. What you need when you start may be different from what you need when you are close to orgasm. It is common to start of lightly, slow and with indirect touch, and end with hard, fast, and direct touch when you orgasm. Keeping everything lubed and slippery is also important. You can use saliva, or some of your own arousal fluids from inside your vaginal entrance.

You will have to explore and discover how you like it by yourself. It may take a minute, it may take a day, it may take a week or a month of trying and exploring. Ultimately you will discover what works for you. You can keep on refining your technique.

Sex with a partner:

There is also a difference in women about how close to the vaginal entrance the clitoris glans is. The closer it is, the easier it is to orgasm from just a penis thrusting into your vagina (intercourse). Unfortunately, that is only around 20% of women. For the rest of us, we have to use other techniques to orgasm during penetration. Two techniques are good for this, direct stimulation and a change in how you have intercourse.

Direct stimulation of your clitoris means that you or your partner use fingers or a small clitoral vibrator to bring you to orgasm during sex. Some positions are better for this, like doggy, spooning or you on top. Basically, any position where he is behind you, or your bodies do not lay on top of each other. The easiest way to think of this is as masturbating while he is inside you.

The other way is to change how you have sex. Instead of him pumping away inside your vagina, going up/down, in/out, change it to grinding, rubbing, and squeezing your clitoris on his body while he is inside you. Tilt your pelvis so that your clitoris makes contact with his body, and use small movements, circles, or rocking motions. You can do this exclusively until you orgasm, or you can add a second or two of this squeezing and grinding at the end of his in stroke, before he pumps again. This is easier to do when you are on top and in control of your movements. It may feel unnatural, but you will soon get used to it.

There is actually a sex technique called coital alignment technique (C.A.T.). This is a technique where we use something similar to the missionary position, and move our intertwined bodies in a rocking motion to keep the woman’s clitoris in constant contact with her partners pubic area. It is a fairly advanced technique, so it is best used with a longer term partner, rather than casual sex. If you are ready to try this, you can google this technique to understand more about it.
PART 2 to follow

Answer

PART 2:
Orgasm:

Just to complete the discussion - what is an orgasm? An orgasm is the release of sexual energy from your muscles and brain. This energy and tension build when you are stimulated. Your muscles tense up, your heart and breathing speeds up, your pain threshold increases, and signals flow into your brain.

At some stage your brain ‘trips’ and goes into a trance like state for a short period of time. This allows your body to release all that energy and tensions in waves of spasms, contractions, heat and pleasure radiating outwards from your uterus or clitoris. This will continue for a few seconds, slowing down and becoming weaker and weaker, leaving you happy, satisfied, relaxed, maybe glowing and maybe sleepy.

The stimulation phase is the absorption of energy and tension. The orgasm phase is the release of energy and tension. That is why the stimulation phase is often characterized by bending your body inwards and lifting your head (somewhat like the fetal position), and the orgasm phase by stiffening your legs, arching your back, throwing your head back and expulsing the energy.

A lot of electrical signals are flowing through your nerve system into your brain close to orgasm. This can cause your brain to spill some of the signals, or signals leaking from one nerve system into another, causing short bursts of involuntary convulsions and vocalization before you really orgasm. This is not your orgasm, but just the prelude to your orgasm.

For a woman, pleasure and pain sensations are so closely related, that her face will often reflect that she is in great pain when she is actually experiencing exquisite pleasure.

Many women will get sleepy after an orgasm, some will get energized, and some will just get up and go on with their daily tasks.

Most women can just continue to stimulate themselves to multiple orgasms. It will get stronger and stronger for the first few, and then fade away slowly for the following few (this is called multiple orgasms). Some women will have to take a short break to recover before going again (this is called multiple serial orgasms). Some women will be so sensitive, that they cannot go a second time at all.

Not all orgasms are created equal. Some will rock your world, some will be just light tremors. Some will go on for what seems forever, some will hardly register. It can differ from time to time, it may be dependent on your mood, how content you are, how aroused you were when you started, the phase of your menstrual cycle, your age, your fantasies, your general health , and your connection to your partner.

Sex Fluids

There is a lot of confusion about fluids emitted by women during sex. What you read in Cosmo, on web sites, and self-help books are mostly old and based on discredited or outdated research. It is also written to make it sensational, to sell books, to sell sex toys, to give up your email address, or sell magazines. 

There are a number of fluids and reservoirs of fluid around your reproductive organs:

There are the Bartholin’s glands, with one opening on either side of the vaginal opening. These are the equivalent of the male Cowper’s glands, the glands secreting pre-cum (pre-ejaculate). It is thought to be responsible for lubricating and disinfecting the vaginal opening. The fluid is clear or milky, like male pre-cum. The Bartholin’s glands produce only a few drops of fluid.

Paraurethral glands and the Skene’s glands. The paraurethral glands is the equivalent glands to the male prostate glands. The Skene’s glands are two small openings next to the urethral opening (pee hole) that also gets fed from these paraurethral glands. The paraurethral glands are a thin layer of tissue around your urethra, and it’s got small holes opening up into the urethra. The Skene’s glands come out in two little holes next to your pee hole (urethral meatus). Fluid from these glands are clear or milky in color. It has the same consistency and amount of fluid than male semen (a teaspoon or two at most). This is because these are the same glands that produces semen in a male. It tastes sweet. Most women secrete fluid from these glands in very small quantities. If you secrete a visible amount of fluid, it is called female ejaculation. This can happen during sexual stimulation or orgasm.

There is the bladder. The bladder can contain a lot more watery fluid. This fluid can be clear to yellow, depending on how hydrated you are. It normally does not smell when it comes out, but when it dries on clothes, bedding, or furniture, it will have that distinctive urine smell. Through MRI and ultrasound imaging during sexual arousal, researchers can see that the bladder goes into overdrive during sexual stimulation. This is likely due to the massively increased blood flow and oxygen to the organs in the pelvic region. Women often describe this as a feeling of having to pee during sex. 

Unlike men that cannot release urine when they have an erection, women can freely release urine. This can happen due to pressure on the bladder, or pressing the bladder sphincter muscle from inside the vagina, often in search of that so called G-spot. There are also other conditions that can cause this, like an overactive bladder, stress incontinence or other forms of incontinence. This release can be helped along by orgasmic contractions or penetration. 

When fluid from the bladder is released during sexual activity, it is normally called squirting or gushing. The amount can be up to a cup or two. It can just gush out, or it can squirt out. It can happen during penetration, stimulation (clitoral or vaginal) or during orgasm. It can be helped along by pushing out or bearing down like you do on the toilet.

Cervical mucus - This is the normal discharge you see on a day to day basis in your panties or on toilet paper. Your mucus changes throughout your cycle, and can be a lot, or almost nothing. This mucus is there to help, protect, and feed sperm on their journey to your uterus, or to block the cervical opening when you are not fertile. This is a mechanism to keep germs out of your insides when. During sexual activities, more of this mucus can come out.

Arousal fluid – This is plasma and mucus squeezed from your vaginal lining when you engorge with blood and get hot. This is a light and clear fluid, that will dry up fairly quickly. When a woman says she is wet, she normally means that this arousal fluid made her wet. Arousal fluid can appear from just thinking about something sexy or seeing something sexy. You may also not even notice every time this happens. There is a theory that certain spots inside the vagina can be pressed, and when pressed, will increase the amount of arousal fluid. There is however no proof that this is real.

Flow-back (old semen) – If a guy ejaculates inside you, his jelly like semen turns into a thin liquid in waves over the next 30 minutes. This allows the sperm to escape gradually and find its way to your cervix and up into your uterus. The rest of the semen (most of it) stays behind forming this thin clear or milky liquid. When you are no longer sexually aroused, your vaginal walls will just collapse onto itself. This will trap this liquid and it will slowly escape from your vagina over the next day. You can do kegels when you pee to force this out quicker and you can use panty liners to keep your underwear clean and dry afterwards. This fluid will often have a slight bleach smell.

Answer

You can ejaculate without having an orgasm, you would know if you were having an orgasm, it is a very strong feeling. It sucks but you just need to try what makes you feel good

Orgasm or no?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey