Need a sign

Sometimes I wonder if you’re the one for me. We’re high school sweethearts and everyone’s expecting us to get engaged soon. It’s all everyone talks about…and me too. But at the same time I wonder, is it a sign? That we’re still not engaged after 9 years? I still have to argue with you about attention and sometimes I feel like you’re love isn’t enough for me. And whenever you’re on your phone which is feels like always, my heart drops sometimes. Is he texting her behind my back again? Is he still paying for cam girls? Is he still adding girls on his private social media? Can i trust that he won’t hurt me?

I only ever dreamed of getting married once. No divorce. So will I settle in the future if he does end up hurting me again? Am I only so in love and attached to you because you’re my first in everything? You don’t beat me, you don’t talk down to me, you don’t call me names, you actually haven’t cheated. But is that enough for me? Am I okay with the flirting? The eye looks? The secret folders? Idk…