Is it time I grow up?

Question

I need some advice. I’m at my moms and she gave me a lecture about how I need to start doing this and that. I’m very emotional so it made me want to cry..
I’m 19, almost 20. I don’t have a drivers license or a job. I am in college but I do it online because I was too scared to go in person. My mom was asking me “what are you going to do with your life” “are you going to have a career” “what are you passionate about” I said, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m passionate about” 
I live with my grandparents. She said “what if they were to die tomorrow, what would you do? You don’t have a job or money” then she said something along the lines of “don’t come asking me for help” or something like that, I don’t remember, I didn’t want to be lectured by her. 
I’ve always been a good kid and a good student in school. Once I graduate college I’ll be the first in my family to attend and graduate college. I know she’s right that it’s time for me to grow up and adult. Get my license and a job.

Answer

I think she’s right in some ways but didn’t need to come off so harshly about it. It could have been more of a discussion rather than her talking AT you and telling you what you need to do. You’re not a child by age, and you do still have some things to do that would “classify” you as grown, which you know and acknowledge. I would encourage you to try part time work while you go to school online, and when you’re comfortable get your license. Plenty of people don’t drive and use the bus or ride their bike, so I feel like that maybe is not necessary unless you’d need to actually drive to wherever you end up working. But if you can get to and from without driving, definitely would save you money in the long run. No car payment, no gas money, etc. I think you’re on the right track and I applaud you for being the first in your family going to college! It’s a big deal!!

Answer

Oof. Yeah I can super relate to this. After I graduated high school I had every intention of becoming a CNA and since I worked at a nursing home all throughout high school, the nursing home paid my way through the course in addition to getting paid to be in the program. So looking back, I’m really disappointed in my younger self for quitting literally a week before graduation. 
At that point my dad gave me an ultimatum - college, job, military, or move out. So I looked into college, but since my parents “made too much” I didn’t qualify for assistance but I grew up in a low/middle class household - my parents certainly couldn’t afford to pay my tuition. And I didn’t have a license. So getting a job and college were ruled out. I entertained the idea of going into the National Guard and my dad was stoked, he did was in the military until I was about 10. I thought I was serious about this commitment. I had taken my ASVAB and was schedule for MEPS and I backed out. So the only option I had left was to move out. So I moved in with a friend and her parents and worked a part time job and full time job to get my own apartment. I’ve been on my own since I was 17…almost 18. I got my first apartment 3 months before I turned 18. I’m 28 now and STILL don’t have a license. But I’ve managed to make shit work without it. 
However, now I’ve found myself in a toxic relationship, one I wish I could get out of, especially since I have children now (2.5 and 6 weeks old) that really depend on me and I feel like I’m not giving them the best version of myself because my relationship is so draining. But for them, I have to work. And in order to work, I need transportation. So I’ve stayed in this miserable situation for the sake of having a way to make money and provide for my kids. So I agree with your mom - in some ways. Yes, of course you’ll need to get your license and get a job. But don’t feel pressured or like you have to have everything figured out tomorrow. Life doesn’t work that way. 
Speaking from experience, I think getting your license is a much bigger priority than getting a job and once you have a license you CAN get a job. But focus on school. Excel in that so you don’t have to work shitty jobs your whole life. The rest can come later!

Answer

That’s great that you are going to college but who pays your bills? Cell phone, food, clothing, general needs/wants? I have lived independently and supported myself without any assistance since I graduated high school
sooo can’t imagine someone else paying my way for everything. If your grandparents pay for everything and want to thats very kind but you should still have some sort of income and way to at least cover some things for yourself.

Answer

Yea girl, it’s time to be more independent. She is right and she wants to see you be successful. You’re not a “kid” anymore. You’re a woman. You have to take the leap sooner than later.

Answer

Well she could’ve approached you a different way. Instead of going to the extremes of someone dying she could’ve said- can I help you learn to drive, can i help you fill out applications. Etc etc. But yes, the real world is hard, and a lot of work so do you need to learn to be independent. Open a bank account, get a job, if you don’t have any bills save some money! You got this 😃

Answer

You know it is time to grow up. I'm sure this is not the first time your mother told you this and she is right. You are an adult so stop whining and behave like your age. How do you almost start crying because your mum told you to get a job, please.

Answer

It sounds like you have no idea what you want to do with your life? I am guessing that if you are in college you are currently perusing something? Sounds like your parents want to make sure you are setting up some kind of future for yourself. Even though you are living with your grandparents, it wouldn't hurt to look into some kind of a part time job so you can be saving up money for when you are independent.

Answer

I moved out at 17 with my husband.  So to me yes . But you should be taking advantage of the fact that someone is paying your bills.  You should be working and saving money bc obviously your mom is tired of it and your grandparents aren't going to be around for ever. It is time to prepare yourself

Answer

Some comments here are a bit harsh (IMO.) I resonate with how you’re feeling. I didn’t know what I wanted at that age. I’m still around your age. My mon didn’t really give me a choice and I cried about it, not because I was afraid of getting a job or facing challenges, I cried because she kept forcing ( & still does) her views and opinions on me. She wanted me to do A,B,C. I felt like I had no control over how my life went. It’ll get better. Some people tell you you’re an adult and will put you down. There will be others who support you and give you the advice to grow. I am doing the path my mom wanted me to do. I do get discouraged and feel burnt out. Although I know I’m heading somewhere, even if deep down I still don’t know what to do. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s. What works for you, may not work for others etc. You can learn to be independent, but also don’t expect to be a full grown adult who know everything. I made a poll on this app awhile back. about 90%+ voted they don’t know what they’re doing as adults either and just finding themselves. 🤷🏽‍♀️ it’s all good

Answer

I see where she's coming from albeit the approach was strong. She wants what's best for you. Honestly life is hard in itself, without a license and a career; it becomes challenging to get around and stabilise yourself financially. If I were you I'd focus on college and finding part-time job during school breaks. You can't live with people forever, time to stand tall for yourself.

Is it time I grow up?

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