Tokophobia and feeling like a bad mother

I had my first baby a month ago and it’s still a shock to me. I always avoided pregnancy and even started thinking of never having children of my own. The thought of being pregnant, giving birth and breastfeeding terrified me to my core. I was with my husband and we had sex for 4 years without me getting pregnant but then I got pregnant anyways and it was an unplanned pregnancy. I was scared for my life and was thinking of abortion.. I suffer from depression so I knew aborting my child will haunt me forever personally.. So i decided to go through with it. I had a rough pregnancy as well and would just cry and be in fear all the time. When I actually was starting to go into labor my fear was 1000 times worse.. I couldn’t even believe I actually had to give birth and was in denial and hyperventilating. I was crying the whole time and my labor was not progressing. I got a C-Section and I wasn’t afraid of that at all, I was rather happy I did and that my baby was ok. Then I tried to breastfeed my baby but couldn’t because of fear. Seeing milk coming out of me also terrified me. I didn’t want to be stressed while handling her so I formula fed her instead. I feel like an absolute failure because I couldn’t do something my body was made to do.. I’ve taken care of my daughter all by myself with only my husbands help since day 1 and I love her to death. But the fact I had a C-Section and didn’t breastfeed makes me feel like I failed her.. I feel like other people don’t get why I was so afraid too.. Anyone else here have this?