You guys I I such a horrible mom, like forreal. I've never slapped my kids before. But today I did. Yes, I know you guys are all going to come after me and I deserve it. My mom used to slap me and I swore up and down never will I ever. It wasn't a hard slap, as no markings were left and they didn't even cry, until I yelled moments after to get into bed.

I had changed my 2 and 3 year old after they ate dinner let them play for a hour and then put them go bed around 9:20pm as they eat dinner with there father around 7:30pm on his lunch break from work. I laid them down and 20 minutes later checked on them my youngest slept, as my oldest was just playing quietly in bed with his 2 cars he took to bed with him. I thought that he would fall asleep within the next 15mins like usual and headed downstairs to start cleaning, and packing.

We are moving here in the next 2 weeks, as we officially found a place to move to, and since I don't want to pay another 1,400 ontop of deposit and rent for next month at our new house.

I was downstairs for a hour cleaning, posting items for sale and free donation to whoever wants them. I decided that I was going to take a break and when I came back upstairs, I didn't even peak in my boys room as I believed they were sleeping since my youngest was and my oldest had finally quieted down halfway through cleaning. I went directly for my bedroom to sit and just relax.

As I opened the door I was shocked, mad, and on the verge of tears. I opened the door, (which does have a child doorknob lock on it) and my two boys were awake covered head to toe in lotion, lipstick, crushed eyeshadow and potting soil from our plant in our room. Along with them being covered, our bedding, rug / floor, freshly painted white walls (repainted to be able to get our deposit back) were covered as well. Smeared lipstick hand prints on our 75" TV and all over our PS5 and Xbox Pro.

I didn't mean to slap my boys, or scream as loud as I think I've ever screamed before. I know it was the stress in me, the financial, having to move, plus my oldest starting school next week, stress of it all coming out in that one moment.

Because I don't care about possessions and I've been trying so hard to be kept put together. It just made me turn seeing that mess they made becuase it seems like no matter what I do here lately there is always more mess to clean up both metaphorically and literally.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so ashamed of the way I acted, and ashamed of how I took my stress and anger out on kids.

I feel like I've failed as a mom as I sword I'd never would do like my mom did, yet I did...