My heads all over the place

So my husband and I recently found out that baby stopped developing at 6 weeks. We have already let out most of our tears for the most part but just aren’t really ready to talk about it w other people besides our parents and each other. My birthday is this Saturday & of course I’m not as happy about my birthday this year. Honestly it doesn’t even feel like it’s coming up but I am just so ready to have a few drinks w all the news we’ve gotten recently and to just get away and not be constantly thinking about the loss or be sad all the time. I know things will get better eventually 🙏