Should I be more excited?

Question

I’m 20 weeks and just found out I’m having a baby boy. I’ve wanted to be pregnant for years but now that I am I don’t feel like I’m as excited as I should be.. is this a normal feeling?

Answer

Hey Cheyenne,
Just to be upfront and honest, I am still TTC #1,so I can't speak from a personal perspective.
However, working as a midwife in the UK gave me the amazing opportunity to be part of people's journey from before pregnancy to meeting up with families years later. 
It was an absolute honour to support families of all shapes and sizes, especially as I specialised in looking after people throughout their journey, not just meeting them for a 12 hour shift.
I will say, that there is a HUGE stigma surrounding the mental health of parents to be. 
It always felt that society expects the journey to be a wondrous, happy, exciting experience for all involved... and that then leads to individuals expecting the experience to be filled with nothing but happy and positive emotions and events.
The reality is very, very different. I don't think that there has been one family I have looked after that hasn't had at least one moment of either experiencing what they believe to be a "negative" emotion - like fear, anxiety or feeling overwhelmed, or a period of time when they didn't feel how they thought they would (they would be worried if they didn't feel they were living up to the expectations of society and the "happy and blessed" lives and pregnancy journeys they saw online).
There would always be a moment, especially when a trust had been built between us, that someone would look frustrated, sad, worried and - I hate to say it, but... - guilty, and would then start talking about emotions during pregnancy, and how it's a "exciting time...but...". 
Yes, absolutely, there are times when if your mental health is causing distress, it is time for action to be taken to support everyone involved so that no one should feel alone, isolated or that their mental health has declined. A benchmark I feel is a good example:
* A normal healthy reaction....
"wow that was a sh*tty day, my feet are swollen - oh they joys of pregnancy! Work is crazy busy, and why has the baby is playing football with my bladder...? I can't have another day like this tomorrow".
* Someone that may need support....
"wow that was yet another a sh*tty day, they never seem to end. My feet are swollen - yet another miserable effect of this whole pregnancy. Work is crazy busy, but I can't tell anyone it's difficult as they'll blame the pregnancy for holding me back...  The baby must hate me already as they playing football with my bladder... I can't deal with all of this much more".
So yes, the second example is setting off all the red flags, so is very obvious. 
However, most people don't realise that it is usually very normal to NOT feel "Over the Moon with Joy!!!" every day. You are even normal if you get grumpy about some of the pregnancy related issues that can arise, like morning sickness (morning my backside, it does not magically stop at 12pm), acid reflux, or your darling fetus tap dancing on your bladder. It is also very normal to experience emotions such as worry, anxiety, fear and feeling overwhelmed- As long as you are able talk those emotions through with someone, and they are not running your life or causing you distress.
Please do not feel as though you "should" feel any sort of way. Every human is different, and emotions are subjective, and should be respected and acknowledged but the individual, and those around them.
Never look at others as a model for comparison with emotions, as that is truly a path to misery.
Always ask yourself:
* Do I understand all of the emotions I am having? 
* Do I understand why I feel the way that I do? 
* Are any problems being caused in my life due to my emotions? 
* If I am feeling unhappy, is it an issue that has a direct cause? Such as my mother in law is insisting I name the baby after her, so I am stressed!
* Have I been not feeling myself (without a reason) for awhile now?
* Have my emotions and experiences been causing me or others distress?
* Do I believe I need some help and support right now?
Only you know you, and whether what you are feeling is "normal/ok". 
"Normal" is such a rubbish word, it is difficult to understand what normal is. However, it is easier to realise "hey, I am not doing good, this is not me".
Sorry for my ultra long and rambling post... I am passionate about the subject, and I believe that every individual deserves high quality physical and mental support throughout pregnancy.
It is absolutely OK not to be OK. If you think you need any help or support, please seek the advice of a trained professional (sometimes just talking to a health care professional you feel comfortable with is often the best place to start. You don't need to worry about going to a therapist if you have a good relationship with you GP or pregnancy health care professional and would feel happy about taking their advice about any next steps).
Please know that much of what we see online etc about other people's lives is carefully constructed. That "#BLESSED" life is often not what it seems, and should often be viewed with caution.
Look after yourself, and I wish you and your family a healthy journey.
X
P.s. Yes, I have had many women tell me that they hated every second of pregnancy... but that once little one made an appearance, it wasn't just a different story, it was a whole different world!

Answer

It’s a totally normal feeling. My SO and I were TTC and when we did it’s like this wave of scared, not so excited, freaked out feeling washed over me and I felt not normal. I’m now going to be 37 weeks on Saturday and I still have anxiety attacks and have a hard time feeling excited! I know once baby is in our arms we will feel excited and it’ll all be worth it. Just know what you’re feeling is normal! Congratulations on your baby boy ❤️

Answer

So normal! So normal to feel all of the things, even if it isn’t elation and lighthearted joy!

Answer

yes! things seem to calm down for me after the gender and pick back up once your hit about 30 weeks.

Should I be more excited?

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