Should I put my ex on the birth certificate?

Question

I'm due with a baby girl in November and the father and I are going through a really rough break up right now. He won't stop using drugs and I've tried to be supportive but it's never enough. Now I'm wondering if I should even put him down as her dad? If I do, would he have any rights over her? I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to co-parent but if he's using drugs/homeless I don't want him to have any right to take her.

Answer

Girl, I had the same situation 20 years ago. The best thing I ever did for my family was leave that man’s name off the certificate. If he’s on the certificate he gets automatic rights. I was ok with him taking me to court for visitation and child support, but…He was a drug addled loser, so he never did shit. He came to visit exactly one time after our son was born. I am so glad I saved my child from the confusion and chaos of that man coming in and out of his life

Answer

I know there will be debate on this type of topic either way, but I will just tell you about my experience....lol. We are in Texas for starters. Had I known what I know now, I would've never put my first daughters father on the birth certificate. Now I would have given her all his info as she became old enough if she ever asked. But he was and still is an addict, 13 years later, he was also extremely abusive and it was very hard to get away from him safely once and for all. He almost killed me and the cops never did much except catch and release basically because his trials were dragged out for so long. I know you say yours is an addict, not abusive, but that lifestyle is almost permanent and they have to really want it to change it. It may or may not ever happen, him getting sober. For certain benefits and peace of mind I'd leave him off. Because you can always change it later on, but you can't change it as easily if you put him on. I will also add I was threatened by him in the hospital to give his last name as hers and was terrified of what would happen had I put my last name. I wish I would've put my last name. Less explaining later on with doctors appointments, school stuff, questions from the child themselves. So that is the jist of my experience with that and what I would do if I could go back.

Answer

If there is a safety issue then I wouldn't put him on. In my situation my son's father is a hard drug addict, thief, and abusive so for my son's safety I left his name off. If he really wanted to have a relationship with his son he could go to court and try his luck but he has a criminal record that just keeps growing and I  have alot of evidence of his abuse towards me while I was pregnant so any judge with half a brain cell can see he's not fit to be around a child. My son is 3 and never seen his bio father and he has never made an effort to clean up his act to be in his child's life.

Answer

Yeah, regardless of what’s going on between y’all- he’s still her father. Put him on the birth certificate.

Answer

What state do you live in? Look up your laws because in some states even if the father’s name is on the birth certificate the mother still has full custody if they’re not married.

Answer

I wouldn't. He would get rights automatically. If he wants rights, he should have to go to court, where you can mention his drug use. Don't put him down. Unless you want an immediate headache of trying to secure full custody right after giving birth.

Answer

I wouldn’t. My friend had a similar issue. She got married when her son was 2. His birth father was literally collecting cans in the streets. No mental clarity but his older sister kept on trying to pry into her sons life. Finally when he was 10 her husband wanted to adopt him. The sister made it so difficult. They had to post ads in news papers, on the local market pin walls, Facebook searching, and show proof that they tried to locate him. At the court hearing, of course his birth father wasn’t there but his sister was sitting front stage ready to stir the pot because he carried her dna and her last name. Maybe he’ll wNt to get clean knowing his name isn’t even worthy for his own child.

Answer

I wouldn’t unless he gets his act together. If he’s on there and something happens to you; he could claim her.

Answer

Just because you two have issues he is the dad!  And a piece of paper means nothing!!! If he wants rights all he has to do is petition the courts for dna and he gets them

Answer

Does he want to be involved or do you think he’ll just fade away out of her life before she even knows him?  Obviously you don’t want him having the right to just come take her to whatever place he’s staying for many reasons: is he high? Are there drugs in reach? Can you trust the people he’s bringing her around?  What you can do is not list him and if he wants to be involved, tell him to go through the court to establish paternity and visitation.  Once he gets the court involved it opens the door for you to say “he’s a known user, he shouldn’t have unsupervised visitation with her at this time.”  They can and will drug test him, depending on the state they may order parenting classes he will have to complete, and they can make it so you bring her to a neutral location with a court appointed person to supervise.  I know it sounds like a lot, but it’s not taking his relationship away with her.  It may open his eyes that if he wants to be a father, he is going to have to prove he can safely be one.  Your daughters safety comes first and foremost 💖

Should I put my ex on the birth certificate?

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