I feel alone in my relationship

My marriage is starting to feel like we’re just roommates.

I want preface this with—my husband is battling a difficult period of depression and has a horrible job that is making his life difficult. He hates it and feels trapped in it.

However,

I feel alone. He plays video games from the time our daughter goes to bed until 1, 2, 3 in the morning. He won’t come to bed with me. When I asked him tonight, he said that he wanted alone time. It was nearly midnight and we had just spent 3-4 hours doing our own thing, just next to each other. He wasn’t “alone,” but I wasn’t bothering him. I hate going to bed without him. I have a hard time falling asleep without him and often when I do, he wakes me up when he comes to bed and then I can’t fall asleep again.

Our daughter pretty much sleeps through the night, but wakes up around 5:30-6:30am most days. If it’s before 6:30, I try to feed her and get her to go back to sleep for a little longer. But when she wakes up in the mornings or if she wakes up at night—he never wakes up to her crying. I’m not convinced he’s actually sleeping through it, he’s just waiting for me to deal with it because he can’t feed her.

Just about every single meal, I am the one who plans, prepares, and feeds our girl. So he’ll get to eat his meal in peace and I’ll have barely gotten to sit down and take a few bites of mine. I’ve asked him before to start doing some of her meals and he says sure, but never does. For most of the time (but not all) he doesn’t/won’t offer to just do it. He waits for me to ask. But then I feel like I’m asking too much of him too frequently.

And I feel bad for him because I know he is depressed and burnt out, but so am I. And I’m laying here in bed without him while he stays up through the night and then he will wake up tomorrow tired from not sleeping.

And he hates his job, but his anxiety about trying to find a new job and fear of rejection has kept him from even applying to other jobs. He keeps taking sick/vacation days off of work to keep himself sane. But it’s like every couple weeks he’s taking a day off work. I’m worried they’re going to end up firing him for it.

He hardly ever cleans. He doesn’t do any laundry. But he will cook and pick up groceries (online pick-up—I make the lists/orders). I’m mostly a STAHM, but I nanny a couple times a week and I’m picking up a second part-time job because we need the money.

He wants to have more sex, but I’m just not attracted to him right now. I don’t feel close to him. We still have sex about once a week. I’ve begged him to plan a date night for us. He says okay, but never does it. I tell him things that would make me happy and would make me feel close to him and he doesn’t do any of them ever. He will play video games all week and then come to me for sex. Or all he ever talks about is DND: different builds, character ideas, story plot points—and nothing else. And I listen and talk with him about that, but it’s all he wants to talk about and it takes up so much of his time. And I want to talk about more than that. I want to have more affection between us. More cuddling. More kissing and back massages outside of sex. I want to spend less time on dnd and video games and more time going out as a family on walks and to the park or zoo. Things that have more meaning and purpose behind them.

Our daughter (for the moment) is more attached to me than him and it makes him sad, but he won’t put his phone down and play with her. He doesn’t put her to bed. He doesn’t hardly ever feed her. Sometimes he does her bath.

I sorry this is rambling on so much.

I just don’t feel like his wife. I feel like a roommate. And I don’t know how to fix it because part of it is his depression that seems to mostly be stemming from his job. He is on medication for it.