I’m tired and I’m done

No one really can understand what someone who is TTCing really go through. They will never understand the mental drain it can have on you. I’ve finally reached that point in my journey where I am tired. I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of negative test, I’m tired of it all. Unless you’ve been here then you won’t and can’t understand.

I was on cloud 9 when I got my positive test in July. I was so happy and thinking, after trying for yearsssss it is now my turn. I felt like I was floating, my family was almost complete. I never thought I would end up losing that baby and having to start all over, it’s as if someone snatched the cloud from under me and I came crashing back down to earth and when I hit, I hit hard! All the cramps and bleeding were on another level, seeing this tiny fetus in my underwear as I prepare for my transvaginal ultrasound really made it too real. Trying to clean up the blood off the floor in the bathroom of the hospital because there was so much of it. I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life.

People say it’s not that bad and your were only 8 weeks when you lost it so just try again. If I was 8 weeks or 38 weeks it’s still painful. People who get pregnant so easily say they can relate because they’ve had miscarriages in the past but got pregnant the next month and I shouldn’t take it so hard. I take it hard because ive tried for yearssss and it’s not easy for me so when I get that positive test it means a lot.

But I think I’m done, I can’t do it anymore