Am I the only one

I hate the fact my boyfriend watched porn while we dated and sometimes I still catch him when vaginas in ads from torrent websites for 123movies pop up I’ll walk in and he will pretend he wasn’t looking and was trying to exit. I hate going to beaches and water parks bc he’s always staring at other girls asses. The thing is if you can cum and get turn on by another girl I feel I’m not good enough and you don’t really only want me bc u wanna stare at other girls to make u cum. I hate it and literally feel homicidal.