Painful sex impacting sexuality?

[First time poster, sorry if I did it wrong :/

tl;dr: penetration is super painful, makes me afraid of sex with men. this is causing some spiraling re: my sexuality]

For a long time, I identified as bisexual, but I realized that I was actually very afraid of having sex with men, and so recently I've been identifying more as lesbian/queer. (I find men attractive and I like flirting with them and kissing them but I don't want to sleep with them.) Whenever I've had any sort of vaginal penetration (e.g. at the gyn), I've experienced blinding pain and bleeding. My doctor always says "oh so you feel pressure?" and doesn't take me seriously when I say that no, it's actually hurting really really badly. I've never had penetrative sex before (my high school bf and I didn't have sex and I've asked my college gfs not to finger me) and I have a lot of fear about it hurting like hell. I've tried masturbating with my fingers but I don't really feel any pleasure, and the one time I tried using a rabbit vibrator it was really uncomfortable because it seemed way too big for me. I don't know what to do about this but I feel weird thinking that I might be bisexual but am just really afraid of sex with men.

Does anyone else have a lot of pain with penetration? Is there a solution?

[Note: I have a physical disability that complicates a lot of this, and it's possible that the pain is much higher than usual bc of my nerve damage. I have a really low sex drive, possibly bc of my meds and possibly bc I have sexual trauma]