Baby heartache

We were supposed to have 3. It’s always been the plan and the vision.

My husband refused to try for a third for 6 years after our second. FINALLY he agreed and then we lost one after another. I’ve had four losses.

My body is a mess and my emotions are ruined. I am ruined. I am changed. But I want my third child.

But I can’t keep one. Doctors just shrugged and said my eggs are old. Which is dumb.

I wish desperately I could adopt but it’s really tricky in Canada to do and so expensive.

I have so much love to give.

I guess I’ll focus more on relearning who I am again.