I spent 6 years with a man who was an Angel. The problems were always me and I didn’t understand why until one day I ended our relationship. I felt like I was chasing a feeling i wasn’t able to catch. I thought I just wasn’t with the right person. So I broke up with him. I broke our engagement, I broke the home we built together. Our lives were split in half. What hurts the most is that we built everything we had from scratch together. So everything from our cars, to our house, to our cats was split down the middle. (I took our animals though)

I started therapy 5 months later and Turns out that feeling I was chasing was actually mania, and I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder 1 and sever anxiety.

Now, it’s been 3 years since we broke up, ive been medicated and through therapy. For once in my life I can finally see straight, and I realized I left the only solid person I had ever had in my life.

I have never been loved the way he loved me. I have never been understood the way he understood me. I have dated a lot of men, and he was the one who got away.

I I try to have hope for the future, but my heart knows that he was my security and my happiness, I was just so lost with myself I figured it out too late.

I regret it everyday. I pushed him away with no sympathy…i don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself

I would like to add a few things.

He is in a relationship and that’s why I won’t be able to contact him or express how I feel.

But if I could, I would apologize for the way I treated him. I would acknowledge that the problems we had stemmed from my unhealed trauma and that he truly was a God-given angel in my life. He saw the rawest and ugliest form of me, the me that was living in survival mode. I would make sure that he knew how much I loved him back then even though I didn’t know how to show it.