Breastfeeding is HARD

It’s 1:30am and I’m in bed with tears rolling down my face as I hold my three month old baby girl. The day I’ve dreaded i feel is quickly approaching. After trying to nurse her back to sleep I realize after 10 minutes of crying a frustration, she’s not getting what she wants/needs so I have to go to the freezer and break into my stash that I’ve worked so hard to obtain. I’ve been through this with both of my babies before her, and now it’s happening with my last an final baby. The day my body stops providing her with the nutrients she needs. After every small nursing session I wonder if it’s going to be my last. It’s so unfair and I just don’t understand. It seems to come so natural for others, so easy and my body just can’t keep up. I know fed is best, I know that, but I feel like I am failing her just as I have felt with my previous two babies. It’s been three months and she’s had nothing but my breast milk, up until now. I’m already having to use my freezer stash and once it’s gone I’m most likely done, I can’t provide her what she needs anymore. No matter the amount of times I latch her, no matter how many times I hook the pump up my body just doesn’t want to produce. breastfeeding is hard and no one prepares you for the defeat it makes you feel. Will today be the last time I’ll ever nurse my baby? That question crushes me. Why am I not “normal”? Why can’t my body keep up? I don’t want this to end so quickly… 😭