Scared to test

Anyone ever have this problem?! I should be 12 dpo today and can't get myself to test, but would also love to know either way. Af due Friday and I guess I can just wait and see, but I've just never been so scared of a pregnancy test 🙃

I got my first faint positive last month at 9 dpo and it ended in a chemical pregnancy, so I guess it's just a mix, fear of it being negative and that heartbreak but also scared to see the lines and go through all of that anxiety and THAT heartbreak again.

Just curious if anyone else is with me and also has a new fear of tests. I'm literally just sitting here with pee in a cup and an open test and can't get myself to dip it in 😂