I think it’s done.

Now I know alot of women on here will judge the hell out of me and it’s fine, we all have different opinions about what’s normal and not normal in a relationship. Mine is porn and videos like that, watching other men half naked shaking their ass is just disrespectful in my relationship. I thought we were on the same page. He agreed, he understood, we built boundaries on things. I have very very bad PTSD. We have a family, a home, a life we are building. But in my eyes this is just a deal breaker. I found out my partner has been watching for months tik tok videos of girls wearing barely anything shaking their ass and boobs. Dancing to it in a way that’s like weird. Him and I both watch tik tok and tag each other in videos, If we are eating we will play tik too on his phone or mine, so that’s why I know he took it to YouTube to watch these specifically because he searched for them, one of them was even caption “ tiddies 🤤” and another was like “ mother daughter duo 🤤🍑” and there was so many of them. I screen shotted probably 8, because after I got to October I quit looking. I didn’t snoop him or even intentionally look, but when I got on his PC and went to YouTube to look on how to do something in our home, a bunch of these videos were on the recommended page. So I’m like…. He tells me he doesn’t watch porn, look at stuff like that, matter in fact when we see a video on tik tok randomly of videos like that he will make comments how it’s disgusting and how they are “ attention seeking whores” and it’s like whatever… but then your going to search for these videos on YouTube.

So the recent ones I found was this morning, he felt generous to let me sleep in today and take the kids to school ( rarely happens ) and so I was so happy, we have been in such a Rocky place for a while and I thought things were getting better between him and I. Communicating well, trying to be there for each other and working as a team. And then I see during those times he was looking these videos up, before the kids got up at 6 am he was looking then a few more at like 7:30 am which is after he dropped the kids off … like I was in here sleeping and he’s out there doing that?… I feel personally like I’m being cheated on EVEN although technically IS IT CHEATING? No. But it feels that way! We have sex, we even bought toys recently to spice things up. But he knows this is something I won’t tolerate. Im just heart broken. This is gonna consume my mind daily now and I don’t even want him touching me anymore or kissing me. I feel disgusted. I want to leave I feel selfish for doin that to my kids. Im torn. Please be nice I need some advice …