Going through PPD/anxiety and feeling so unsupported

Hi everyone. I am dealing with ppd/anxiety due to a traumatic birth/unexpected long time nicu stay. It’s been almost a year since I had my son. But I’m not feeling great still.

Very unmotivated. Very tired. Very irritated. Just unhappy. I hardly eat (and when I do it’s not healthy), I always have headaches. I find myself wanting to do all these things with my toddler, but don’t have the energy, so I end up just putting on the tv and then cue the mom guilt.

Ive cried to my family saying I just need help one day a week to take my toddler so 1. I can bond with my son, and 2. Clean the house/get some sort of break. But no one wants to help. Everyone has excuses. It’s very frustrating and honestly hurts me. I find myself dwelling on the fact that no one cares to help, which I think makes it worse.

Today I had a panic attack and then after my boyfriend talked to me and was getting annoyed at me saying he’s not happy, I’m so negative, I can’t keep acting like this, we need a solution, he said he doesn’t even want to come home and that eventually we’re not going to work out. Oh and That I’m the problem.

I feel like he’s making me feel a million times worse. I can’t help the way I feel. I don’t want to go on medication and he agrees to that. I just started seeing a holistic doctor that’s trained in depression/anxiety. I know it’s possible to holistically cure myself, It’s just going to take a bit of time.

So now I’m in bed upset while he’s downstairs mad at me…

How do you moms get through the day? I don’t even have the motivation to get dressed/shower.