I have borderline personality disorder and it’s making my long distance relationship really difficult so I need advice.

I started dating my boyfriend in May. I was 17, he was 16. Everything went well until September when we got into some drama and people made rumours about him. I believed these rumours and suddenly turned against him, but then I felt bad when I saw what I did to him and took him back. I love him so much but my BPD makes it difficult for me to tell if I’m actually in love with him or if it’s just my BPD talking.

We’re just under 1000 miles apart and it’s a 3 hour flight. I’m planning to meet him in February. But until then, it’s really difficult to have to watch other couples hugging and holding hands. It makes me so angry because I just want that to be me already. I’ve not had a real life relationship since 2018 and people bully me for it and they don’t get how awful it makes me feel.

How can I make this relationship survive until I meet my boyfriend?