Is it just me? Disciplining a two year old.

Question

My son is going through a stage of throwing things in the bin. 
Initially, I was giving him rubbish to throw in the bin and he would be applauded for doing so. 
He’s now throwing his toys in the bin because he’s two and cannot differentiate the difference between what should and should not go in the bin. 
I’ve obviously not praised him when he’s put wanted objects in the bin and have said only old and dirty things go in the bin, not cars. 
When on occasion he runs to get more cars to put in the bin (for a reaction) and says ‘not cars’. I redirect his attention away from the bin and take the toys out later when he’s not looking, to be disinfected, so he doesn’t get a reaction or see things being washed (cars being washed is too much fun for him and that would just further encourage the behaviour. 
My husband’s response is a firm no and tells him his toys are gone forever now and hides them so he misses them. He doesn’t miss them he doesn’t have the insight yet and has plenty of other cars to play with. 
I think his response is completely inappropriate for a two year old. 
He has no concept of what a bin is and that they are transported away and ‘gone forever’. 
He’s not ‘naughty’ (no child of that age is) he just doesn’t understand the difference between wanted and unwanted items and needs guidance, not to be threatened with a consequence of his toys being ‘gone forever’. 
He doesn’t understand ‘forever’ anyway (far too abstract) so it’s pointless and just feels spiteful. 
What do you think?

Answer

This is hard because I too have a 2 year old who does knows what the trash bin is. Sometimes he will throw things away that shouldn't be thrown away. For instance if he doesn't eat all his food he will go to throw it in the trash before putting the plate or whatever in the sink. Well he some times accidentally puts the dish in the trash or the utensil. We will remind him no that doesn't belong in there, we will ask him to remove it and remind him on the correct spot. But we don't make it a big deal if he doesn't get it out. We just say thank you for cleaning up after yourself, and then handle it ourselves. Now sometimes he will put a toy in the trash thinking it's broken or something and I'll just get it out and show him that no, this doesn't need to be tossed, and he then usually leaves it alone. So I think my son does understand the concept even if it is just a tiny bit. 
But for your instance, it's obviously a game at this point and he knows it. So I wouldn't say I disagree with your husband, but it's also probably not really going to teach him anything if you feel like he doesn't understand the concept. Instead I'd probably just put the trash away, or get a lid that's harder to open, and start having him throw things away when he does understand a bit more. Sometimes out of sight, out of mind is better for everyone's sake lol.

Answer

I agree with your husband on this one. Your sons at the age where he knows more than you think. I had to cope with this myself. My son is five and I’m still learning to let my husband parent. My son needs both of our approaches to be balanced. Woman tend to be more nurturing. Men are more stern. My son needs both. If it was just my style, my son would be out of control and I know it so I appreciate my husband stepping in with some firmness. It’s always in love but firm when it needs to be.

Answer

My daughter isn’t even 2 (20 months) and knows what the trash can is. We didn’t even explain it to her, one day she found a piece of plastic on the floor and ran to put it in the trash can. Your son is likely smarter than your giving him credit for. If my daughter try’s throwing away her toys or things that don’t need to be thrown away, we do more of what your husband does: take it out of the trash and put it away for the day and say “it’s going because you can’t use it properly” we also have a big toy bin and reinforce that if she wants to put away toys, they go in the toy bin. we’ve never gotten to the point, but if that ever stops working, we will just relocate the trash can.

Answer

I'd just take them but everyone disciplines their child in their own way

Answer

I've recently started using "time outs" with my almost two year old. Iy just gives her a minute to calm down and reset. We remove ourselves from the situation, go to her room, and sit for a couple seconds then talk about the behavior. When she is calm, we try again. We are usually un there for less than a minute.

Answer

I don't have the answers but my toddler turned 2 a week ago and definitely knows what the bin is.

Answer

I wouldn’t take them away forever. We have a “taken away shelf” it’s in full sight of my 2 year old. It’s mostly for toys he throws. We started this a few weeks ago, and now he knows that if he throws something, it goes on the taken away shelf and he can’t have it back until tomorrow. He very rarely has anything on this shelf anymore. If you ask him what happens when you throw something, he will tell you, “it gets taken away and you can have it tomorrow.” I found that it helped when he started throwing a fit that he wanted his toy on the shelf- so I could reiterate why it was there. 
So, maybe a compromise.

Answer

I would do what your husband does. I might actually leave them in the trash. My 2 year old definitely knows what the garbage can is and that the stuff that goes in it doesn’t come back.

Is it just me? Disciplining a two year old.

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