How to bring up autism concerns to husband

This is kind of a weird question I know, but I really need someone to help me figure out a way to discuss this with my husband. I have been so stressed and worried for over a year, with no support from my husband, and I need him to see where I am coming from. I am hoping maybe someone who has gone thru this with an autistic child, or something along those lines can kind of walk me thru this.

I began worrying about autism with my son when he was 20 months old. He didn’t point that much and he had a pretty significant speech delay.

Other than the speech delay, he seemed like every other 20 month old. He had great eye contact, great name response, great imitation skills, great joint attention, a lot of social referencing. However- the lack of pointing is something that did concern me greatly. Delayed pointing is a huge- if not the biggest autism red flag.

So I told my husband I thought our son was autistic due to the pointing, and he totally blew me off and got defensive.

I had him evaluated by early intervention, and in the state of NY, if early intervention has autism concerns, they can refer you to a child psychologist for an eval. I add that in because I know in a lot of states early intervention doesn’t offer that, but in NY it does. So he was evaluated, qualified for speech therapy, and the therapist who evaluated him told me that while it was concerning he really didn’t point, he had so many strengths that she did not suspect autism- but he was very young so to keep monitoring his development.

So he turned 2, his pointing picked up, his speech picked up, and he seemed to be developing typically. I still was worried about the pointing tho, the fact that he pointed so late.

Fast forward to now. My son is 3 and honestly, I see a difference in him compared to other kids his age. It’s very subtle, not very obvious, but it’s there. His speech is still behind, but he is not conversational. He has a hard time answering questions. Even simple yes or no questions, he will answer 1/20 times. Following instructions is also another struggle he has. It’s like he has some kind of executive dysfunction. And also, when he is with his cousins, he will play with them for a little bit, then wonder off and do his own thing. I have a daughter too, she is 18 months and I don’t know, I just see a difference.

I don’t know how to bring it up to my husband that I really think he needs an evaluation. I feel really really alone for this whole thing. He thinks I am causing problems when there aren’t any, and just want to slap a label on our son. When I spoke to my sons speech therapist, I asked her what she thought. She told me she honestly didn’t know. She told me she does understand why I’m worried, but, if he does have autism, he is definitely only mildly effected. I think that’s why this conversation is hard for me, he doesn’t understand what autism really is, only classical autism, so he is so dismissive and defensive when I talk about it

I told my husband I wanted our son to go to a developmental preschool and he got so upset and told me he wants our son to go to a regular preschool. He thinks I am “setting him up for failure” when I’m trying to do the complete opposite. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t need his permission to get him evaluated, but I really need his support. I have been harboring all the emotions all by myself and have been so depressed for over a year, and I feel like the weight all all on me, and me alone.

Edit- I’m sorry this posted in controversy corner, I have no idea why that happened. I would move the post but I don’t know how. My apologies