I hate to be this type of person

I am 20 years old and I am drinking Kuyt excessively. I feel like I have been drinking quite a bit and we too much. I have been really upset about mini mini things. I’ve only been drinking since about June 2021 which is maybe about like four or five months if that I’ve had a boy or a shitty year and quite of a shitty New Year’s I feel like I may have an issue but since that I have not been drinking as long I don’t know if that counts I just feel like I need to take a step back and be sober for a while I mean I drink maybe two or three times a week and I feel like that’s quite a bit too much because when I do drink a drink to excess of amount like I will drink until I can no longer fit anything in my stomach I will pass out before I can finish filling drunk I just feel like I maybe should do something but I’m really really scared of being stuck with an inpatient type of therapy I just really just don’t know what to do with myself anymore I’m so scared and terrified of many many things I just don’t know what to do anymore I’m so scared I feel like my addiction issue isn’t that crazy because it’s only been a few months but I feel like I depend on me a lot because anytime I feel upset that’s all I ever think about is drinking and I still want to feel like that. Seriously the only thing stopping me from trying to 302 myself is that fucking stink I have no clean clothes I shower every day but I just don’t have any clean clothes to put on