I honestly don’t even know where to start. I’m hurt mentally and emotionally. I feel so alone and honestly the thought of suicide has crossed my mind. But I can’t bring myself to leave my children behind.

I have a question for anyone who had the strength to finally leave someone you love after being abused physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. How did you muster up the courage and strength to finally leave and not go back. It’s easier said then done. I’ve heard it multiple times that I should my fiancé because he is a real asshole and how manipulative and controlling he is. No one in my family likes him. My son hates him. None of my friends like him but they’re cordial to him. And honestly. No one really knows how bad our fights have gotten. The shoving. The slapping. The pinning me down as refusing to let me get up. The constant name calling. The threats if I ever left him. I have tried to leave and stay away many times over the past 6 years. Blocked him and everything. But because we have a daughter together. I’m not trying to take our daughter away from him at all. So of course I’m dumb enough to let him speak to her which ends up turning into me getting emotional and talking to him and then I believe his lies that he will change and promises never to hurt me again and that things will get better and that he wants our family to be together. And that he’ll do whatever I want in order for us to be happy. I don’t have the strength to stay away from him. And I know it’s sooo wrong to be fighting and arguing in front of our daughter. And to keep going back and forth with him. At this point I don’t know if I’ll ever have the strength mentally and physically to leave him and stay away from him. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone been in my shoes. Where you love the person you’re with and don’t want to leave no matter how bad things have gotten. Also because of the threats they tell you that keeps you in the relationship but you’re to scared to tell anyone or even call the cops. How did you gain the strength??? How do you have the heart or mindset to leave when your mind has been completely brainwashed by the person you’re in love with. Everyone is different and for some they think giving the opinion to leave is soooo easy to do. But in honesty it’s really not. Please. Help. As I honestly need to know when was the last straw before you left for good from an abusive relationship. How did you change your mindset of actually leaving and staying away for good???