My story for the last couple of days

This is my story.

It is a low chance of 1% in all pregnancies of having an ectopic pregnancy. Half of the women who are experiencing this have certain risk factor. I am a part of the other half. No risk factors, 1 previous healthy pregnancy to term, natural vaginal birth with just gas and air. No complications at all.

14 months later, after giving birth, something went wrong in my body. After a week of despair (2 blood tests and 3 trans-vaginal scans) and still hoping every single day for a better outcome, I’ve been diagnosed with a tubal ectopic pregnancy. It is still small, 15mm and my options are limited.

I have a hard time deciding what I should do. My hcg levels are high and the cytotoxic treatment might not work and in the end I might need surgery. The waiting is just risky, but to do that my hcg levels should drop…

I am inclined to have the minimal invasive surgery. They will remove the fallopian tube with the pregnancy in it. I just hope the one tube that will be left will get to do a good job for both.

I am scared, I need to arrange for someone to come and helps us out. I won’t be able to lift my baby boy for a couple of weeks. My family lives in another country. The flight tickets are so expensive now and I don’t know why! My husband can’t miss work anymore.. he’s been taking half a day off every other day for me to have scans and blood tests.

I am also sad of the small lump of cells that would have developed into a beautiful baby,a smart brother or sister for my baby boy. He/she it was loved since I’ve seen that second line on the pregnancy test. And he/she is still loved.

It all happened so fast.. my heart hurts.

I hope some luck will come by and I’ll be able to have another baby some day, when my body is prepared.

Sorry for the rant..