My husband and the mother of his childs relationship

.I feel like a complete idiot writing this. I don't like feeling insecure, I don't like being "that women" who has a problem with the relationship her partner has with his ex (mother of child).

I'm not the jealous type, like at all. I've been with my husband for 6 years. When I met him he had no relationship outside of hate with his sons mother. It was spite and fighting If they were in each other's sight and I've ALWAYS been pro co coparenting! I understand that once separated and having to still see your ex can be difficult and frustrating for both parties but at the end of the day it's not about them it's about the child(ren) shared between them and being cordial is truly what's best. I've always pushed him to let go of the annoying shit and past resentment that probably was the reason their relationship ended and focus on being the best roll model for his son. I took hits from her constantly and I just kept my mouth shut and tried my best as I didn't want to add more shit to my husband and his son (my stepson) this women has went above and beyond to make my life hell and I've offered nothing but respect and kindness in return and I'll continue to do so. I get it, having another women around your child. It's scary and gut wrenching. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel in the situation and I was more then happy to wait patiently for her to understand my relationship with her ex which evidently what connects me to her son is by far from me trying to take her shoes as mom. I understand that he has a mom and I want no part in trying to take that roll from her but here we are over 6 years later. She's called FAX on me, had my stepson in therapy and cohorsed him into saying I'm neglectful, abusive, rude to him ect and after 3 therapists one finally took the story and went with it. The other two had enough common sense and lack of commitment from my stepsons tales to put two and two together before dismissing his sessions as other then that, he was fine. Shes come at me arms swinging and a million awful words coming out of her mouth more then once and since then I make sure I'm not present if she's around. Shes got my number and messaged me fucked up shit. The women literally keyed her car and slit her tires then tried saying it was me! If she's bent about me she makes sure to make it almost impossible for my husband to see his son. She's gone as far as making my stepson saying he didn't want to see daddy. It's heartbreaking.

Anyways, the pandemic happened. We lost our house because of job loss ND lay offs... took what was supposed to be a short period at his parents until we got our shit together which led his family causing me to leave and get my own apartment. So we took 9 months of what I'd call a separation... my husband still came to my apartment with his son every weekend and I still watched him when needed... not much changed other then me saying I'm leaving bc I can't live with your family and he wasn't on bored.

During our separation he was mad at me in the beginning... he reached out to his ex, mother of his child. Confided in her about me (his side) his family and him started speaking my daughter to her place or at outings with her which never happened when we were together. His sister became best friends with her because of their mutual hate for me. She had fax case opened up about me and I was upset to find some of this out... to reach out to an ex is a big thing. She's permanently in his life so I'll either have to deal with it or move on from him type of thing it just has me sour that he would do something like that... now I'll probably never know the extent to what happened between them during this period and I can only wonder if it went to an intimate physical level.

Anyways, I've noticed recently that it's back to the same stuff... I'm all for them being nice to each other but she's been slamming me to him... calling me names, saying he can't have his son because I'm abusive... withheld him for 3 weeks and he missed his little sister's birthday. Telling him I have rules to abide by if my stepson comes and if I don't follow them she will deal with me. I'm not allowed to talk to my stepson while in my home and my stepson is allowed/to not acknowledge me blah blah blah... he doesn't stand up for me. He surrenders to her.. he says it's because he doesn't want to deal with it but then turns around and is all giddy with her, asking how her day is, making jokes ect... now this wouldn't be a problem if it was normal. It was NEVER like this. They were cordial and that is all. He's gone as far as driving her around, giving her money, brining her smokes and she even asked him to pick up groceries for her other sons lunches.

I've done nothing but love his son, care for his son, be a baby sitter, take the constant disrespect and hits from everyone around him including his ex and son. At one point his son and I were best friends and he lived with us (me) and I'm hurt this is the turn out. After 6 years this is how it is.